The story of my life

I haven't written in a while because this is part of who I am. I have these days when I get caught up in the everyday crap and forget about the things that are important to me. I forget why I'm here and what I'm supposed to be doing. I have to start over and do things differently.
Yesterday I decluttered my daughter's room. I've done this sort of thing a couple of times, but never to this extent. I threw out her high chair (she's five) and the boards from the crib that she hasn't slept in in years. While it felt good to let go of these things, it was also one of those moments when it really set in that I'm not going to have another child. Sometimes I'm really fine with it and sometimes I'm not. Today I'm fine with it and I'm actually rather happy to have my body as my own.
Well, her room is clean. Everything has its place and it feels fresh. Tonight I'm going to conquer my bathroom. I started this organizing kick because I don't want to drown in my own shit. I mean, how much stuff do I really need? Maybe it helps me feel more at home. I really don't know. In my mother's home, there is and was crap everywhere! I mean everywhere! I lived in a home that should have been torn down and rebuilt. It's probably worse now and it breaks my heart. During my last trip back, I didn't even stay with my mother because her house is just so filthy. I don't want to go down that road and live like that. I want my daughter to be able to have friends come over to visit her without having to run to the door before anyone could possibly see inside. This was my life and one I don't want to repeat. So, I will clean out the clutter and not accumulate more.
I guess this is a period of rebirth for me. I have just come to the conclusion that I need to start saving money and stop buying things I don't need. I'm so good at this. If it were an Olympic sport, I'd have a medal for sure. Possibly several. I've even started writing down everything I spend on a daily basis. I mean everything. I have my little PDA (gadget junkie that I am) and I tap in everything I buy. The sad thing is that while I'm typing in stuff on my PDA, I'm fantasizing about getting a new PDA. The cycle must stop.
There are four girls in my office that have gone out and done the same thing with their hair. It is so funny that people actually want to look like one another. I try my hardest not to blend and they try to. There's no doubt that I am not a local, but I want to make sure that I don't look like anyone else. I do have my xiao jia moments where I where my heels that hurt and carry my fake LV, but for the most part I'm my own gal.
Oh, I'm going to be in the Vagina Monologues. It's going to be pretty interesting and I'm looking forward to it, but I'm a bit nervous because I'm portraying a black, Southern lesbian. The black part won't be a stretch, but I guess I need to work on my Southern lesbian.
I'd better get back to work. I've got to post more. This is my journal for now. I always start paper ones but I never have a chance to write in them. My typing is much faster than my writing.