The World's Laziest Blogger

It is Saturday night/ Sunday morning. My daughter's in bed and I'm sitting here trying to figure out my next step in life. Sounds so lame, but it's true. I'm 34, married, a daughter and still trying to keep my head above water. Perhaps this is what life is all about.
I'm a horrible daughter. I haven't called my mother in over a month. During this time, I found out that she lost the vision in one of her eyes. She had surgery on her eye prior to going blind. A few days after the operation, she was in a minor, minor car accident. A few days later, she went blind. I love my mother but I don't like her. I think that she's an opportunist and is taking advantage of someone's insurance policy. It sort of pisses me off. She's just so damn ghetto it isn't even funny. I know I should pick up the phone and call, but I don't know what to say. How can I act like I think that what she's doing is all right. To make matters even worse, my sister who was in the car (big ass SUV) with her, is now also in physical therapy. It's just really disturbing.
A week or so ago I went to the hospital and had an operation on my "girlfriend." I really love Taiwan. I know I pay health insurance, but the whole procedure cost NT$635! I could not believe it. In a million years, I never thought I'd have an operation, get totally knocked out and have it not cost me a fortune. I just hope it gets my system back on track. I had a miscarriage a few years back and my periods, sex drive, and baby making ability has been in the dumps. I know I should have given up on wanting another baby, but it is so damn hard. Even though I don't have the strongest marriage in the world, I don't want my daughter to be alone when I get old and die. I know I have one foot in the grave with that statement, but I would never want her to be alone if I end up like my dad. It's hard enough knowing that my father's going further and further away mentally, but to have to deal with this reality on my own would just be too much. I'm not saying that I'm going to end up like my dad, but if anything should happen Catherine doesn't need to be alone. So, I want to breed. Several people I love and care about think it would be so stupid of me to have another child with my husband. No matter what, I don't want to be one of those women with children by different daddies. It's just one of those things. My sister's kids have different fathers.
Speaking of marriage, I've started reading this book called The Surrendered Wife. What an awful title. I looked at it and thought "what type of shit is this?" Now I'm reading it and some of it makes sense. I'm a total nag and I've got to stop trying to control my husband every two seconds. I have to worry about my own ass.
I'm doing a copywriting course. Actually, I'm trying to teach myself about the business. I do hope I can do something and break out of the rut I'm in. I love my life, but I hate clocking in at my job. I hate having to look at the clock and check the time I can go home. Ideally, I'd like to work from home several days of the week. Next year! That's it. By my 36th birthday, I'm giving up working full time and I'm going to stay at home and work. I'm going to do it.
I'm off to bed. I really need to write more.