Why can't it be super easy?

OK, I want decisions to be easy. I want things to be like when I was a kid and could just flip a coin and make decisions. But, it isn't and I don't know what to do half the time. So, the question remains what do I want to do with the rest of my life? Do I want to be a "Clocking in Drone," or do I want to see what I'm capable of doing on my own? I find the idea of working for myself so appealing. Perhaps it's because I've been working for other people for 21 years of my life. Of course I work for myself so that I can earn money to live, but there just seems to be something so grinding on my nerves about having to live my life by a time clock. It isn't that I'm above this, but there is a slavery to it that just makes me want to grind my teeth until they burst into shards. I love writing. I always have. Ever since I wrote a story about a guy who started to freak out when his appliances came to life. I was in the second grade and Mrs. Carter loved it. Since then, I've loved hooking up words and trying to make things clearer to people. But there are billions of people out there that fancy themselves to be writers. I mean a ton of them. So how do I make myself any different? How can I stand out from this crowd and do something? I'm not a novelist, yet. I won't even raise that one, but I do enjoy other types of writing.
I need a few cheerleaders. That's what every girl needs in her life. Just a few people to stand on the sidelines to help me get up the confidence to do something other than what I'm doing. My husband isn't exactly a great cheerleader. In fact, he's that person in the crowd heckling me. Maybe he's not, but this is how I feel a lot of the time.
Need to get back to work.
Kisses.

It's Over

Last night my husband woke me up and gave me a kiss. It was a bit after midnight when he came into the bedroom. He didn't want to "get it on." He came in to tell me that he had just received confirmation that he got his Master's!! Not only did he get his Master's but he received a distinction! I'm happy as can be and it just feels like something has shifted in our lives. I'm just happy it is over.
I've been doing a lot of writing lately. The type that is satisfying and makes me feel as if I'm moving forward. It isn't that I dislike the writing I do at work, it's just that I need to do more. I think that I have a sense of running out of time that drives me. I worry that I'm going to lose my mind like my father and end up having left nothing in the world. My writing may not be a great novel (YET), but it can't be totally taken out of the world. This is a true statement and one that gives me some sort of feeling of relief. I'm thirsty, but I don't know if I can sneak across the street and get a Diet Coke from McDonald's. I don't know what it is about the soda there, but it is my favorite. I need to quit drinking it, but next year. I think.
Oh, well. I need to get back to work. I've got my timer out and I'll do 15 minutes of everything. This is how I'll break my day down.
JCG